Rocks or Wings
This morning, as I was sitting in front of my warm fire contemplating deep thoughts about how to pray for a situation that is having a deep effect on my family and me. I began to question the Lord about the somewhat futility of my prayers. My conversation was quite brief and very poignant, to say the least, as it reached into the recesses of my mind and heart.
“Lord”, I said as I always seem to begin my conversations with Him, ‘do my prayers take flight on wings soaring into the heavens straight to your hearing ears? Or do they hit the floor like a hard rock? It seems that so often they fall, rolling off my lips, hitting the floor with a thud, no longer to be heard by the Father. They take up empty space in my early morning time with you. Or sometimes they begin to take flight but are pushed around the room with a faint gust of air that passes through the room from the furnace. I can feel that they have lost their lift as they try to rise to the throne of grace. My only task for the morning is trying to receive an answer for this prayer, but in its pursuit to be heard by the Father, it seems to be empty & without life.’
Praying, at times, seems like a futile exercise that I do every day, in which I am trying to be proper and walk in obedience to the Word. You know the scriptures that have been stored deep inside our hearts. For example, “Pray without ceasing, or let your prayers be made known….”. I have given edicts to others to tell them how they should be praying.
Then the Lord so gently reminded that I have a partner in prayer that is filled with insight, wisdom, understanding and knowledge. “This partner”, He said, “would be a wonderful person to invite to your morning prayer time”. But then my thoughts wandered to a place of self-reliance and pride which says, ‘maybe I should do this on my own’. Because I don’t want to appear weak or even step into a place where I would have to rely on someone else to get the praying done right. Then and only then I am faced with a dilemma to either challenge myself with questions or just blindly step out in faith.
So, the questions begin to bombard my thoughts.
- Do I dare ask?
- Am I willing to ask?
- Do I put myself out there to trust with that feeling of vulnerability?
Then I say to myself that ‘I will try to keep praying on my own’. But with this seemingly small bit of ‘knowledge’ I find it creates an ineffective and unending exertion of energy. Why would I keep trying to get an answer to my prayer when, in fact, I don’t even know if it is the right prayer that I need to be praying at this time. What prayer track am I supposed to be on?
Once again, I am at a crossroad as I watch the picture unfold before me. My prayers are falling like a rock, hitting the floor and rolling off into the corner of the abyss of my living room. Or they are seemly taking a flying leap into the air but are blown away by a brisk puff of air. I then begin to ask myself questions that bring me face to face with the reality of prayer and partnering with the Holy Spirit.
- What if I stopped long enough, before I opened my mouth in prayer, to talk with the Holy Spirit.
- What if I asked Him how He wanted me to pray?
- What if I chose Him as prayer partner allowing Him to speak and take the lead?
- Would my prayers be lifted to the heart of the Father who loves to hear my prayers?
- Would I then stop hearing the tumbling of the rock prayers hit the floor?
- Would I then feel the weight lifted off my shoulders in the efforts of trying to pray the right prayer?
- Would it then end the pursuit of trying to find an answer?
I say to myself, “Boni, You must agree that all of the burden of how to pray would fly off your shoulders if you would allow the Lord to infiltrate your prayer life. You would join the Holy Spirit in perfect union and agreement.”
HMMM!! WHAT IF I JUST ASK HIM?